Breaking up with perfectionism

Notes from a recovering perfectionist

As a survivor of a high-stress East Coast prep school (where classmates suffered nervous breakdowns the day Harvard decisions came out), perfectionism has been a topic of interest to me since the early days.

Perfectionism is not what many of us think it is. It is not a marker of our exceptional commitment to excellence that drives our motivation to go above and beyond. Perfectionism is defined as the pursuit of unattainable standards. Let me say that again. UNATTAINABLE. By definition, we can’t meet our standards. So we set ourselves up for disappointment and failure out of the gate.

This is why it drives anxiety, procrastination, and poorer quality output. [I’m not going to throw the myriad of studies at you to hammer home this point, although I could because there is so much research on this topic.] It is exhausting to experience. It is also exhausting for others to be around. Think of a time you had a perfectionist you had to deal with at work, on a committee, anywhere. Did it inspi…